Ohh Iowa City, on Thursday

For some strange reason my two friends and I were intrigued by Iowa City "River-Feast" that was going on in the ped-mall Thursday evening-ish after class. So intrigued, we decided to disregard of dinner plans for the evening, splurge on 5-tickets a piece and check out the "taste of chicago" mini look alike.

It was an enormous success. I had the best food ever, i.e. pulled pork sandwich, delicious BBQ chicken ranch pizza and coldstone ice cream, and it was phenomenal...all of it.

We were having such a great time, we decided to skip getting ready for the night, and just head straight to the bar...time check, 6:30ish.

I started the night off on the right foot, clearly with a Coors Light Stine. Note, it was also 2-bars-1-cup again, but I decided my limit to start drinking hard stuff starts around 8ish. So I casually sipped on that for a while, then once the clock struck 8, on came the Vodka, Lemonade/Cran's, and man were they delicious.

I could see why one would absolutely hate dc's on a thursday night, aka if they get there too late and there are no tables anywhere, but we had two tables put together with a ton of chairs right by the huge tv but not under the huge speaker...aka PERFECT. We could watch the blackhawks, bulls and NFL draft while still holding mild conversation. We were there until about 10pm, which you can assume what state we were in.

We went over to dualing pianos, I think this may have been the last one of my sophomore year? I remember we went to the door and they said 10 buck cover, but this was after they put the wrist bands on our entire group already. We turned around real quick because I'm sorry but I go to Vitos far far to often to have to pay cover there. SO, we sat around outside for 10 minutes then walked in the exit and that settled that issue sooner than later.

I can truely say I havn't see a bar in the state Vitos was at that exact moment. Literally every single person in the bar was blacked-out hammered, shit show ridiculous. Like drinks were slamming left and right, girls and guys even, were wiping out left and right, fights were breaking out, girls were grinding on guys against the walls, sloppy makeouts where everywhere you turned, it was actually not an okay situation at all. BUT being your typical IC resident, I walked straight to the bar, laughed all that off and joined right in (sorta). I would say how much drink cost, but umm, that's a great question.

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER–YOU’LL THANK ME LATER

In 5^th grade, I used to go to great lengths to avoid attending piano lessons. Hiding out underneath my mom’s forest green minivan, dipping the thermometer in hot water or eating raw chicken (the latter both to induce a fever of course) were regular activities on Wednesday afternoons. It wasn’t so much that I was radically opposed to learning to read music or sitting down to practice, but rather my teacher’s unbearable breath and routine smoking habits. Regardless of the reason, I never wanted to go. Piano lessons were the ‘arm-pit’ of my week–and for a solid fourteen months, my outlook remained unchanged.

When my mom finally conceded and agreed to discontinue my lessons, I rejoiced wholeheartedly. For a few years after, quitting lessons was one of my prouder moments. But high school came and then college soon followed. With college and going away, my outlook was no longer the same. Over the past eight years, I had picked up both the drums and guitar but even still, I was nothing more than a novice when it came to a that beautiful baby grand.

At The Piano Lounge there is a piano that doubles as the focal point of the room. Before anyone has even had their first drink, the young chap who begins to play is already 50 points cooler than any other person in the bar–including the bartenders. After a couple of drinks, he is now every attendee’s newest best friend. After a few bottles of wine (The Lounge’s trademark drink), he is now giving Brad Pitt a striking “run for his money”. If you haven’t taken the hint yet, women loves pianos, but even more so they love piano players. As the pianist (Until now, the word never sounded so suave) plays request after request, the fixation continues to grow.

Just as it is not even next to a reasonable notion to believe that anyone is following this blog–let alone a naïve fifth grader hell bent on finding ways to ditch his weekly lessons–I still have a message to pass on to all you pianists-in-training. A decent voice and a knack for the piano goes a long way and is certainly worth your teacher’s stinking breath and lungful of cancer. Weathering the storm will give you a leg up on just about anyone else looking to find that special someone. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to take your talents public and play for a roomful of alcohol-induced college students either.

That said, I’m about to give the only advice given throughout this entire blog that a responsible mother might deem as either a saving or educational thought–

Stay in school kids. And more importantly, keep at that old piano. You can thank your moms and I in a decade or so.

CRAWLING–‘A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT’

When Lance Armstrong sits down on his bike minutes before the Tour de France, how much thought do you think he gives to beating the entire fleet out of the gate? Now I know what you’re thinking–

And you’re right–positioning is key, but with 2,200 miles of uncovered road ahead, my guess is that it’s not exactly of burning importance.

Though I’ve never been one to bike for 21 consecutive days over thousands of miles of treacherous terrain, I have been known for having excellent stamina. And again, I know what you’re thinking–

Now that you’ve all had a second to first bury and then recover your mind from the gutters, I’ll explain what I really mean with respect to my superior rate of endurance–kegs and eggs, day drinking and a night on the town all within 24 hours has become one of my favorite college pastimes. But even more so than any of the preceding activities, I love a legitimate bar crawl.

Truth be told, I’ve taken a sizeable lump of time to craft an ideal night of ‘crawling’. For starters, good weather is fundamental. Good weather means ‘beer gardens’ and ‘beer gardens’ mean a ‘socially acceptable’ excuse for a few pints at 5PM. This brings me to my next point–an early start can’t heart either (So long as you keep in mind the title of this post). Traditionally, bar crawl partakers rotate bars hourly, but I would argue that it’s often the downfall for an honest finish. Allotting only an hour per bar means that people feel rushed to get a few drinks in before ambling along to the next haunt–oftentimes, people drink too much, too fast and then end up either going home early or finding a comfy bench in the ped-mall for a goodnight’s sleep. A better idea is to allocate 1.5 hours per bar. This will give everyone the chance to take a load off and casually sip on a couple of cocktails. More notably, it will increase the likelihood that the bulk of your tribe makes it to bar close.

The most important ingredient to a successful night of crawling (Aside from the people involved) is the final bar on the agenda. A brilliant last spot on a crawl is like the cherry on top of a sundae–without it, you’ll feel cheated, naked and empty. Put simply, 8 hours of drinking deserves a commendable end to the evening. Namely, be sure to give the matter adequate thought when crafting your crawl’s long-winded, well-lasting route.

May the marathon begin,

-mike

2 bars 1 cup

I was oddly excited to experience the new phenomenon of 2 bars 1 cup. If it wasn't for that nauseating u-tube video, the name would of been ridiculously clever. But anyways, name aside, I was semi disappointed when I got there and realized the cup resembled and over-sized dixie-cup.

But anyways, that little let-down aside, we paid the 3 bucks for the cup and moved on. We were at slippery pete's first. This was my first time there since the bar opened, my roommate works there so she had been raving about it, so it was about time I actually gave it a shot. It showed a dissapointing resembles to ETC that was there before. I don't think I have ranted about ETC yet, but for the love of god that bar was probably the worst one on this campus. So good its gone. ANYWAYS, they kind of tried to make it a weird English theme in there? (yeah, who knows) The waitresses all had tiny shirts with british flags on them, and the walls and decorations were all straight from England (probably not, but you know).

So yeah, the service was eh. Since we got there after 10p.m., it was 2 bucks to fill our cups up each time. It was a decent deal if you were drinking mixed drinks just because they were bigger than your typical glass, but if you were drinking beer you mis well of just paid the extra buck, tossed your over-sized dixie cup in the garbage and bought a beer stine.

The drinks were ridiculously strong. Take that as you will. But yeah, I am glad I experienced it, the deal is...its a deal? I kept my cup so I would consider going back next Thursday, but it would take some heavy persuading.

QUESTING–THE PATIO ADDITION

A search, a pursuit, a noble and adventurous activity undertaken by knights–the name is not all too important. Simply understand that sunny, slightly breezy days are here to inspire a quest that many students are all too familiar with. This particular quest is the quest for happiness (As I like to call it), also know as the quest for the best patio/beer garden in Iowa City. For the remainder of this post I will carry on with caution, as I’ve seen a few duals-to-the-death on account of the passionate debate that surrounds the following question–what is the best beer patio in town? I have two answers.

The Safe Answer–It depends.

The Audacious Answer–Martinis, Martinis, Martinis. The best patio in town is the patio at Martinis.

Now before I begin to receive hate mail and all kinds of nasty words threatening my existence, please do here out my explanation. The patio at Martinis is ideal for three critical reasons: location, space and people.

First, the patio is situated on the opposite side of the ped mall. This means no obnoxious boozehounds acting foolish interrupting your conversation. If you want to have this sort of experience, stand in the line at Marcos, contribute to the GDP and buy yourself a double-decker grilled cheese. If you want to relax without the sound of drunks bellowing nonsense, find a seat outside at Martinis.

Second, the patio has enough space to seat lots of people comfortably. Now if you’re one of those people who like to pry who insist that the strangers’ conversation sitting at the table immediately to your left is more interesting than anything that you or your company could ever possibly say, this probably isn’t the patio for you. But if you’re one of those people who enjoy a bit of breathing room and some privacy, find a seat outside at Martinis.

Lastly, the patio always seems to attract an eclectic mix of people. The beauty of Martinis is that it always seems to host a vibrant, diverse audience. Parents, students, professors, the Pope–all are welcome. So if you’re one of those people who enjoy meeting new kinds and are intrigued by variety, find a seat at Martinis.

MISSION CREEK

What better way to start off April than 70+ bands coupled with 70+ pints of beer and/or shots of plastic-bottled liquor (Not one of my prouder moments). Of course, the latter half is a slight exaggeration unless you take kind to never-ending vomit and a headache that makes migraines sound inviting. Case in point, this past Tuesday marked the beginning of Mission Creek Festival. The fest’s focus is not solely music, as the ‘mission of the Mission’ is to promote the arts at large within Iowa City. That said I spent much of my time fancying new bands, mingling around some of the most underrated hotspots in town (The Mill, Blue Moose etc).

For those of you unfamiliar with the music tier of Mission Creek, think ‘Lollapalooza in diapers.’ There are approximately 70 bands that pass through Iowa City within a span of five days–much of the acts are on the rise threatening to blow up, which makes each show even more exciting. Some of the highpoints of this year’s fest included Birds & Batteries, The Cave Singers, David Bazan, VV Brown and Little Dragon. Of the acts I saw, I didn’t have one bad experience. Of course, I preferred certain shows to others–yet, the level of talent among the bulk of the fest’s lineup was unmistakable.

Each year, Mission Creek continues to grow and receive national attention. For the past four years, I’ve attended the fest only to find that every year attendance and excitement becomes exponentially larger. As new venues continue to get involved (This year, Blue Moose hosted some of the fest’s larger performances) and the quality of the lineups is firmly reinforced, Mission Creek’s potential for critical acclaim and attention grow even more promising.

If you hadn’t the chance to attend any events of the festival, rest assured the brain trust behind the fest is already hard at work dead-set on making next year’s program something for students and Iowans alike to buzz about. So c’mon all you art-fanatics and hipsters-to-be, keep Mission Creek on your radar. And in the mean time, check out all of the exceptional shows, readings and exhibits still slated to pass through in the coming months.

Self Created Bar Crawl

My nights recently have turned into a weird sort of game, something like "Hey lets see how many bars you can go to and get drinks at in a ehh 4ish hour span." The game could probably be called a number of other things as well, "lets see how many times you use your shitty 27-year old blonde haired ID and get away with it" ( i have dark brown hair), or better yet, "lets see how much money you can drop on cover in one night alone!"

Yeah anyways, as I was saying, Friday night my friends asked if my friend and I were interested in going to a "dive bar" with them. These guys are all from Iowa City originally, so they know all the "secret hide-outs" if you will, and somehow knew about this hole in the wall ghetto bar, aka Jobsite? First off, my friend and I had no idea what a dive bar was ( we are still getting made fun of for that), but yeah we agreed, obviously. We were the youngest people there by 30 years, easily. It was all IC locals, and I swear they probably took attendance there cause everyone knew everyone, and everyone was just loving life. We should of probably taken the hint the place was a bit sketchy when the first 5 shots we tried to order he had never heard of?

SOOO, we did what any normal college student would do, TEQUILLA.

Needless to say, the night at the Jobsite was ledgendary. The pitchers were 6 bucks, which at first I thought was ridiculous, then realized how massive they were (in comparison to say the single serving ones served at every other bar in this corrupt town) They filled probably 5 good sized glasses ( opposed to those weak ass dixie cups you get every where else), yeah so it was fantastic. We set up a string of tables and the service was great, (again, unlike anything you'd find in actual downtown Iowa City, they cared about good service, eventhough we were young kids). They owed it to us, we probably helped them reach there montly income goal in a 4 hour span.

Anyways, back to the barcrawl, we somehow survived that "dive" and headed downtown, first to Airliner, then Vitos, followed by DC's and topped off by THE one and only scum. I frikin hate scum, but it was just one of those nights it was appropriate. I hated them all, they were all mobbed and smelly and hot and you know, the usual. I would name the deals, but there weren't any. I think I spent the most that night than I have any night this year.

It goes well with the other game I am currently playing, "Lets see how long you can get your bank account before the end of the school year! Lets see if you can make it without asking dad for money this year!"