CRAWLING–‘A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT’

When Lance Armstrong sits down on his bike minutes before the Tour de France, how much thought do you think he gives to beating the entire fleet out of the gate? Now I know what you’re thinking–

And you’re right–positioning is key, but with 2,200 miles of uncovered road ahead, my guess is that it’s not exactly of burning importance.

Though I’ve never been one to bike for 21 consecutive days over thousands of miles of treacherous terrain, I have been known for having excellent stamina. And again, I know what you’re thinking–

Now that you’ve all had a second to first bury and then recover your mind from the gutters, I’ll explain what I really mean with respect to my superior rate of endurance–kegs and eggs, day drinking and a night on the town all within 24 hours has become one of my favorite college pastimes. But even more so than any of the preceding activities, I love a legitimate bar crawl.

Truth be told, I’ve taken a sizeable lump of time to craft an ideal night of ‘crawling’. For starters, good weather is fundamental. Good weather means ‘beer gardens’ and ‘beer gardens’ mean a ‘socially acceptable’ excuse for a few pints at 5PM. This brings me to my next point–an early start can’t heart either (So long as you keep in mind the title of this post). Traditionally, bar crawl partakers rotate bars hourly, but I would argue that it’s often the downfall for an honest finish. Allotting only an hour per bar means that people feel rushed to get a few drinks in before ambling along to the next haunt–oftentimes, people drink too much, too fast and then end up either going home early or finding a comfy bench in the ped-mall for a goodnight’s sleep. A better idea is to allocate 1.5 hours per bar. This will give everyone the chance to take a load off and casually sip on a couple of cocktails. More notably, it will increase the likelihood that the bulk of your tribe makes it to bar close.

The most important ingredient to a successful night of crawling (Aside from the people involved) is the final bar on the agenda. A brilliant last spot on a crawl is like the cherry on top of a sundae–without it, you’ll feel cheated, naked and empty. Put simply, 8 hours of drinking deserves a commendable end to the evening. Namely, be sure to give the matter adequate thought when crafting your crawl’s long-winded, well-lasting route.

May the marathon begin,

-mike